roll the credits, pass the beernuts

Anyway, I called the local UCI cinema earlier and asked for two tickets for The Day After Tomorrow. The girl said 'Yes, which film would you like to see?'. I said 'The Day After Tomorrow', she said 'That's fine but which film?'. I said 'I'll wait for it to come out on DVD'. Perhaps as well... can't line up a babysitter anyway.

It's like a racetrack outside our house. Especially in the summer. Young lads in their baseball caps and sub-woofered Vauxhall Nova's come scooting through the village, see the straight run and go for it. When there's no cricket on we like to watch them spnning out of control at the end of the road. Lost count how many times that dry stone wall's been rebuilt.

How come it's impossible to spend less than £100 at B&Q? I end up there about once a month on average. This is usually because I need some trivial item (a fuse, three cup hooks, some WD-40) that I've probably already got but can't be bothered to look for. These items are usually less than a fiver, so why does my receipt always end up with £100 on it. It must be great to work in Sales & Marketing at B&Q. I wonder if they wear orange dungarees at Head Office?

Alcohol is not my friend. I can diet really well. Lot's of focus. Lose weight pretty quickly. Can't eat anything I like. Drink like a fish instead. Move from softcore beer onto Class A whisky. Can't function the next day. So... slightly thinner, stronger heart, rotten liver. Excellent.