We sit drunkenly poised on the brink of another tantalising but ultimately dispiriting World Cup campaign. Nevertheless, the weather is hot and sticky and full of promise. ASDA's got a job lot of chairs decked out in the flag of St George and larger ladies walk past all thick nippled in unwise tops. I can't get a Super Soaker of sufficient industry to drench the boy, so I settle for a flat strip of plastic which you attach to your hosepipe (bans permitting) and drape across your lawn like a slide. On Radio 4 they're debating the art and beauty of the quintessential English rock and roll lyric, which sparks excitement in the boys.