altavista social club

Another one of those summer traditions today... yes the school fair. So here's what we're gonna do. In sub-zero temperatures we're gonna follow a tarted-up manure lorry stuffed with lurid children in fancy dress underneath their parkas around the streets for 20 minutes. Scoff an ice-cream (ideally it should be hail-stoning by about this time). Watch a penalty competition (I know... I don't know if my heart will really be in it). Drink a can of luke warm ASDA lager. Buy some home-made parkin. Eat a dog-burger. Come home.

Now tomorrow is a more recent fixture for genteel country folk such as wot we is like. Yes it's 'open gardens' day in the village. This means that those who have sufficient time and energy to devote to the upkeep of their plot stick the kettle on and make some buns for their nosey neighbours to bob round and have a poke round their geraniums. This is a little moment of glory for those who have spent recent weeks a-diggin' and an opportunity for people to peek into the back windows of people's houses that they rarely get to see. Ooh, look at all that chintz! Nice plasma-screen! etc. A hoot, no doubt.

Next week... it's the Gala! If you feel like guessing the number of sweets in a jar and picking up an out of date copy of J2EE for Dummies whilst dragging a skriking oik off a half-deflated bouncy castle, come along.