THE UNBEARABLE WHITENESS OF FREEZING

I put my duffle coat on plus my gloves and scarf in the hallway. I’m nice and toasty warm. I then leave the house and plunge myself into a frosty world of arctic temperatures and walk ten yards to the car. I then stand at the side of the car and remove my scarf and coat. By the time I’ve leaned in and draped my coat over the back seat I am freezing.

I get to work nice and toasty warm. I park up and open the car door. A whoosh of freezing air engulfs me as I stretch for my coat and wrap my scarf around my neck. By the time I’ve locked the car up I am freezing.

It could be worse. A colleague left his running car on the drive to warm up yesterday morning whilst he had his breakfast. When he emerged from his house, no car, no laptop, no palmtop, no phone… erm… no insurance.

Anyway, it’s dress down day today. I’m in my suit as normal but with one of Mrs B’s sparkly thongs on underneath. Clever, eh? I don’t have to put a quid in the collection and no-one but you knows that I have dressed down after all. Well, until I bend over to tie my shoes.