the drugs don't work

Still no word on the bedside Internet connection in this blooming hospital. As Watski points out if they can't get that right what can they do? I suggested McAfee anti-virus software to Matron but she didn't laugh. She's a bit like Hattie Jacques in Carry On Doctor so I'd better not mess.

Fortunately, one of the student nurses is a bit more saucy. I can see her knickers through her frock. She's just brought me a brew and a slice of Genoa cake. Reckon I might be in there.

I notice that you can't get a beer in these places. However, if you crave a blast of nicotine (which I don't), there's a freezing cold wind tunnel in front of Reception full of Chavs with broken arms and legs sucking on Lamberts as if their life depended on it (which it doesn't).

Hey! TV/Phone/Internet maintenance woman's just been in (telly is on the blink now too). I mentioned t'internet problem and she said it's not working until they connect it to a different internet. That'll be a breakthrough for medical science. I hear Mars' internet has got some bandwidth, so that's where my money is. Trouble is there's a bit of a delay when you call out their IT support. About 24 years I think.

Either way, I hope they hurry up. I need to Google up a quick cure for Malaria. Matron is busy.