i get around

What with going to work in the dark, coming home in the dark and spending most of every day in the dark I feel like I’m mutating into something that lives in the dark. Or something nocturnal.

What happens when the clocks go back that makes people drive like wonkys? Now I can cope with sitting in traffic for and hour and a half each morning and the same at night. It’s a long commute, but that’s my threshold. What I struggle with is two and a half hours in traffic morning and night. Twenty five hours a week I spend sitting behind that white van, Once ‘If my wife was this dirty I’d be at home’ was funny. Frankly, I wish his wife was that dirty because then he’d be at home and not sat in front of me. Mind you, his van is filthy, so even if she’s only half as dirty as his van, she’s probably still worth staying at home for. He should be more attentive to her needs. His mobile number’s on the side of the van… perhaps if I call him he’ll let me know her address. A woman like that shouldn’t be left alone. Besides, I’ve nothing else to do… I’m just sat behind a white van on the motorway.

Has anyone ever phoned up one of those ‘How am I Driving?’ numbers that they put on trucks and vans? I wonder if you get an Interactive Voice Response system when you call them:

“Thank you for calling…your call is very important to us…however, we run this haulage operating company on a shoestring and don’t have ‘Customer Service Advisors’… the drivers answer the phone when they’re in, having a brew… unfortunately, all our drivers are stuck in traffic at the moment… as soon as one gets into the depot they might answer you… your call is very important to us…if the driver your are moaning about is travelling above the speed limit please press 1… if the driver you are moaning about has been stationary for more than 10 minutes press 2 or even better tap on his window, he’s probably nodded off… if the wife of the driver you are moaning about is as dirty as his van please press 3 to speak to her directly…”