Monday, November 08, 2004

trompe le monde

I've been working with this bloke. He's an IT contractor... a very well paid one. He's American and full of tall stories. He used to work for the NSA... He used to work for the FBI... He used to be on the President's staff...

Specimen A: When he worked for Jimmy Carter he went with him to an undisclosed destination in the Catskill Mountains. At some point Jimmy's entourage stopped. They were a few hundred yards short of a tunnel cut into the mountainside. Past this point only the President could go. This was during the first days of his tenure and part of the induction process. Mr Carter walked along the road leaving his cars and his guards behind. Three days later he emerged. He looked a good three years older. He looked like someone had just placed the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Specimen B: He was in a stealth helicoptor circling the Nevada desert. The helicopter lurched towards the mountainside. Suddenly half the mountainside shifted out of the way and the helicopter flew straight inside. It landed alongside jets, more helicopters and military vehicles on a car park the size of several football pitches. The door in the mountainside closed behind them. The floor gave way beneath them and the whole 'car park' dropped over 100 storeys in a matter of seconds. It was a gigantic elevator leading down to a hidden city.

Speciment C: Flying in an military plane this time, again over the Nevada desert. This time the plane got lower and lower. All that could be seen was brushland and scrub... not a runway in site. Those not in the know got into the brace position. Those in the know stayed put as the aircraft landed smoothly on a camouflaged runway invisible to the naked eye.

It's all crap, but I tell you what... it's more fun than your usual contractor tales of Little Chef breakfasts, hotel porn and lousy motorway journeys every Monday and Friday.