a right bobby dazzler

Mrs Backroads and the other members of 'the committee' (i.e. her shitty mates) are downstairs wrapping presents for the village toddlers... drinking wine and a-giggling. Haha! Little do they know that I'm subverting their efforts by doing a Jonny and sitting upstairs watching reruns of Bargain Hunt (thanks to Sky Plus) in ladies undergarments indulging in an act which can only fall into the category of onanism, ahem, blogging about pretending do do something that someone else blogged about pretending to be doing and then crossing it out.

Ah well. It could be worse. I could be Googling for 'Dickinson, David Nude or Semi-nude' instead of more worthy quests (the discussion of which, frankly, doesn't harm the stats) like 'Natasha Kaplinsky/Jill Halfpenny/Kirstie Allsopp/'insert name of alternative 'thinking man's crumpet' here' Nude or Semi-nude'.

To be honest, I'm going to get a right telling off when Mrs B dissolves the coven because I'll have failed in the task that has been set for me this evening. (Well one of them anyway... I have been up in the loft stashing even more Christmas presents away... we've got everything bought and wrapped you know... Mrs B is nothing if not organised... I might get paid to manage projects during the day but, bloody hell, if I had Mrs B's skills... she's on bloody PRINCE3 [project management joke... everyone else move on]). Nope where I've fallen down tonight is my failure to draw a noseless Rudolph The Reindeer on a big piece of A2 so we can play 'Pin The Nose On Rudolph' at Snicket's birthday party at the weekend.

It's my protest... I mean... Snicket and his mates are 3 now... they don't want to be playing 'pass the parcel', they want to be 'getting on one' to the happening sounds of DJ Dad, don't they. Don't they?